Children Obey Your Parents In the Lord
Posted on March 4, 2010 by Kris
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In Ephesians 5:1-4, Paul gives instructions on how to have happy, obedient children. He first speaks to the children, telling them to be obedient. This puts some amount of responsibility upon the children. They are told to be obedient “for this is right.” It is simply the right thing to do. God has established an order to the family, and children being obedient to their parents is a part of that order, and a part of having a peaceful and happy home. But, there is also some responsibility placed upon parents in these verses. How can a child be obedient unless they are taught to be obedient by their parents? It is quite obvious, by observing the actions of children in many places, that children are not naturally obedient. They have to be instructed! The wise man, as he wrote the Proverbs acknowledged this fact. Consider one proverb that is often either overlooked, or explained away (mostly by unsuccessful parents):
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
Parents are told that they are to “train up a child in the way he should go.” Their responsibility is to provide the instruction, as well as the discipline that is necessary to insure that their children are on the right path. It is the parental responsibility to provide godly instruction, defining for the child the way of the Lord. Parents should realize that children will go in the direction that they are led. If the child is heading in the wrong direction spiritually, parents should look for their own shortcomings, rather than make excuses for their children’s failures.
It should be noted that discipline is a necessary part of the training process. It has become politically incorrect to suggest that punishing children is acceptable in today’s society. However, as with everything else, God’s way is always the best way! And God’s way includes punishment for disobedience. Again, consider the wisdom of the author of Proverbs:
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. (Proverbs 13:24)
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)
Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell. (Proverbs 23:13-14)
These passages are not encouraging child abuse in any way (as many detractors would suggest). Just the opposite is true. These passages encourage the loving discipline that is necessary to cause a child to conform to the proper path. God Himself will discipline the unruly of His people in the same loving way:
And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.” If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5-11)
The latter part of Proverbs 22:6 shows the reward of bringing a child up in the proper way: he will not depart from it. That is a reward for both the parents and the child. He will reap the rewards of a blessed spiritual life, and the parents will receive the reward of watching their child whom they love continuing in faithful service to God. This also can serve as a gauge of how well a parent has done their job. The wise man said that if they are trained properly, they will not depart from the right way. This in no way removes the free will of the child. It emphasizes the result that a child raised in the right way will make the proper choices to continue in faithful service to God. He will understand the need to be obedient to God, and will shun the temptation to fall away because he understands the consequence of such a decision. This also puts blame upon the parents of a child who does not continue in the right path. Most of the time, those on the outside of the relationship will be able to see some failing that was present in the training process that led to the unfaithfulness of a child that chose the wrong path. It is sometimes hard for parents to see, or at least to admit their shortfalls, but that does not mean that they are not there. To ignore shortcomings, or make excuse for them is not profitable. Even failures can be used to improve in the future, or to help other parents in the training of their children.
Parents often make the mistake of preparing for failure. They will talk about how the wise man was only making a general statement, and did not really mean that every child that is raised properly will remain faithful. They talk about “doing the best they can.” They talk about how failure is not really their fault. Many parents have destroyed the lives and souls of all of their children, and then refused to take any blame for the failure. They blame it all on the children–after all, they had to make their own choices. While it is true that every individual has to make his own choices, children would be much better equipped to make those choices if parents were more diligent in their own responsibilities of training their children properly!
Parents, please take your obligations to your children seriously. They need more than a comfortable bed and three meals per day. They need you to take on the responsibility of training them properly. They want you to establish the boundaries for them, to put them on the right path. Trust the wise man. If you do your job right, when they are old, they will not depart from the right path. Then they will teach their children. Instead of having “a generation that knows not God” we will have generations that arise that are faithful to God!
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Kris,
What an excellent article! You have done well in writing this article and you are doing well in raising your own children to serve the Lord. I love you for this! God bless you and Cynthia as you seek to raise your children in the way they should go. You are taking your job as parents seriously and I commend you both for that.
I pray that all who read this article will take it to heart. We need more of this kind of thinking and good attitude in doing the job of parenting God’s way.
You knew I couldn’t be quiet on this topic!
Wayne
Well done!